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Women's Dissatisfaction--Can It Be Beautiful? continued By Devorah Tarrow |
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Women's Dissatisfaction--Can It Be Beautiful? continued By Devorah Tarrow |
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In 1969, I met Jeffrey Carduner who is now an Aesthetic Realism consultant and my husband. As we both attended classes taught by Mr. Siegel, came to know each other better, and talked deeply with each other, we fell in love and wanted to be married. However as the time approached, I became agitated. We fought: I wanted one thing, he wanted another; I thought he acted superior and didn't show his adoration of me in a clear enough fashion. He felt I wanted to manage him and that I was always dissatisfied with something. I also had criticisms of myself which I tried to put aside. In a magnificent Aesthetic Realism class, Eli Siegel explained: ES. And you feel justified because he shows that feeling himself? You could look for instances of slight. DT. Yes--I do! I look for instances of disdain from him. And Mr. Siegel described how I could put these opposites together: ES. A basic thing in Aesthetic Realism is that if you're against something it should be for the same reason you are for it. When you are against Mr. Carduner, do you have the same deep reason as when you are for him? Do you have the same purpose when you are angry with him as when you are pleased, or are you Dev Tarrow number II? DT. Yes, I'm two people. ES. You shouldn't have anger for a person unless that anger is good for him; the same thing for praise. But do you change personality when you are pro-Carduner or anti-Carduner? DT. Yes! ES. You should have the same purpose when you pout as when you welcome with a smile. But there is a personality which can be called No Carduner-Tarrow and the other is Yes Carduner-Tarrow. The meaning of Yes, according to Aesthetic Realism, [is] the seeing of another person as a means of seeing better the whole universe, not as some object of flattery. |
© 1998 by Devorah Tarrow
